Singleness & Dating – Joy Skarka

Single or Dating? This blog is for you!

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Sometimes the red flags are big and waving high, and sometimes they are hidden under the surface and will only be discovered over time. I encourage you to pay attention to them, no matter how small they may seem. Desiring to be fully known and fully loved in marriage is a good thing. This is a God-given desire! But small behaviors are indicative of larger behavioral patterns, and ignoring these red flags could be costly in the long run.

Check out the post, Six Red Flags You Can’t Ignore In Dating on Authentic Intimacy!

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4 Ways the Church Hurts Single Women

/ Pornography, Singleness, Singleness & Dating / 17 Comments

4 Ways the Church Hurts Single Women

How many sermons have you heard on singleness and sexuality? Sadly, many churches fail to cover these topics in messages. Our singles are believing the lie that something is wrong with them for having sexual desires and curiosities. Can we free these women from shame and share the message that God created them as sexual beings? We need to talk about singleness and sexuality because our single members are asking questions like, “What do we do with our sexual desires?” If we don’t provide these answers, pornography could become their solution.

When the church views marriage as the ultimate goal, we are hurting everyone. We hurt the singles now and we hurt them again if they get married because they are entering marriage thinking that marriage is the solution. The real and lasting solution is Jesus. Yes, I’m married. And yes, I still have all the same issues I had when I was single. Marriage didn’t fix me. Marriage didn’t heal my addiction to masturbation and pornography, Jesus did. Marriage is not our highest calling, but rather following Jesus is our highest calling.

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Does Sexual Shame Sometimes Make You Feel Stupid?

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You’re not alone.

As my now husband and I were dating, we felt shame for our sexual desires. We chose to avoid sex before marriage, but longed for “oneness.” No one told us this was normal, healthy even, and that God created us as sexual beings. The fact that we desired sex revealed that we were two healthy humans. Instead of praising God for our heathy bodies, we felt embarrassed for desiring something off limits.

Enter sexual shame into our relationship.

This was not the first time I experienced shame. I felt the need to hide my sexual desires as a young single woman. I felt shame after going too far with my high school boyfriend, and after my dad found a hickey on my neck, and after experiencing sexual abuse.

Many things can make us experience sexual shame. We feel sexual shame when… (more…)

I married a Cancer Survivor | Guest Post on Boundless.org

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On May 27, 2017, I married my husband, Zack Skarka. I knew he had survived cancer, but I had no doubts in my decision to marry him. Check out my story on the Boundless Blog about trusting God with our fears. Love, Joy

“Run. Bolt before he dies and leaves you heartbroken.” That’s what a friend said when I told her about the cancer-surviving man I had met in the elevator.

Just days before this conversation, this man and I had become Facebook friends. While scrolling through his profile pictures, I paused — I saw a white sash draped over his shoulder. Not any white sash, but one that read “survivor.” That cute boy I met in the elevator had survived cancer.

Maybe I should run now while I have the chance. (more…)

Will my husband forgive me for my sexual past?

/ Freedom From Sexual Sin & Shame, Grace, Marriage, Pornography, Sexual Addiction, Singleness, Singleness & Dating / 3 Comments

With tears in her eyes, hesitating to ask, she whispered, “Will my future husband still love and forgive me?” My new friend had a fear common to women who have found freedom from sexual sin. Jesus freed her from the chains of pornography, but currently she was gripped by the chains of fear. Have you had this fear or other fears about your future spouse and marriage because of your sexual past? (more…)

Christian Dating | How Far is Too Far Sexually?

/ Christian Dating, Singleness & Dating / 13 Comments

How far can my boyfriend and I go physically before it becomes a sin?

Christians ask this question all the time, so if you are asking this, you are not alone. You are normal and your desires are normal. Being physically attracted to your significant other is a good thing. If you weren’t physically attracted, I would recommend you break up. Our challenge then becomes, what do we do with these desires?

Our churches are filled with conflicting beliefs. Some Christians believe kissing is okay. Others argue you shouldn’t kiss until your wedding day. Some Christians think that everything but vaginal sex is okay. Others argue that sex includes more than vaginal sex. What do we do with these contradictions?

In this post, I will answer ‘How Far is Too Far,’ share some personal stories, and provide some practical tips to live out purity in dating. (more…)

Sexual Sin and God’s Grace | What to Do When You Keep Messing Up

/ Freedom From Sexual Sin & Shame, Healing, Sexual Addiction, Singleness & Dating / 13 Comments

In the midst of the guilt, shame and pain of sexual sins, painful thoughts fill my mind, “I can’t believe I sinned… again. Does God hate me for my addictions? Will I ever find freedom?”

If you are struggling with sexual sin today, I’ve been in your shoes. I’ve spent a lot of time talking about finding freedom from sexual sin and the importance of fighting for purity on the blog, but I haven’t spent enough time talking about grace.

To help you better understand grace, here are a few definitions.
Grace is the beauty of following Christ.
Grace is unmerited favor.
Grace is God loving us when we don’t deserve it.
Grace is God’s riches at Christ’s expense.
Grace is the divine means by which God makes Himself everything we need.

When we mess up, God gives us grace. When we feel shameful and defeated, God gives us grace. When we hide from Him, God gives us grace.

Just like Adam and Eve who hid behind fig leaves after they sinned, we run, hide, and build our own fig leaves. What fig leaves are you hiding behind? (more…)

8 Myths about Waiting Until Your Wedding Night

/ Believing Lies, Christian Dating, Freedom From Sexual Sin & Shame, Love, Singleness & Dating / 11 Comments

You may think I’m crazy. You might think that what I’m about to say is not relevant in today’s world. Hear me out. In high school, I was not planning on waiting until marriage, I just hoped I found a guy I loved. This all changed when I fell in love with God. Now, I want to honor God and give Him all the glory in my current relationship, so I plan on waiting to have sex until my wedding night.

The Bible calls us to be pure and avoid sexual immorality. This is 100% different from the world, but remember that Jesus warns us that we will look different.

I’ve heard a few myths from readers and friends on why they don’t think a couple should wait until their wedding night to have sex. Let me share these myths with you and explain why I think they are myths. (more…)

Why Jesus Is More Satisfying than Dating

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As a 15 year old girl, I thought I loved him. He was the first boy I held hands with, my first kiss and my first boyfriend. As a high school girl, I dreamed of being together forever. Every night we would talk on the phone for hours, giggling about our days and never running out of things to talk about. He knew more about me than anyone else at that time, even to the point of being able to read my mind.

I was naive, but I was in love.

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Christian Dating: When My Body Doesn’t Know I’m a Christian

/ Christian Dating, Devotional, Freedom From Sexual Sin & Shame, Singleness & Dating, Surrender Life to Jesus / 19 Comments

Doesn’t my body know that I started to follow Jesus my freshman year of college? Yet, why does it constantly not follow Jesus? My mind. My heart. My body. All connected, and yet all do their own thing. Christian dating is hard. Setting physical boundaries is hard. You can only read so many devotionals, Christian blogs and Bible verses on purity before you begin to wonder, what am I doing wrong? Why is none of this controlling my body?

What do you do if you’ve set physical boundaries and you’re pursuing purity in dating, yet your body is doing its own thing?

Allow me to share my story, one of the many stories where my body acts differently from my heart and mind. Through my story and through Scripture, let’s learn together what to do when our bodies don’t know we are Christians. (more…)

Archive of ‘Singleness & Dating’ category

You’re not alone.

How far can my boyfriend and I go physically before it becomes a sin?

I was naive, but I was in love.