Posts Tagged ‘porn’

Porn, Dating And The Gospel

Porn is a sensitive subject in the context of dating, but it’s something we can’t ignore. Sin retains its power when it stays a secret. It loses it in the light of the gospel.

That’s why I’m excited to share a conversation I had with Dating at a Distance about pornography and dating.

In the blog, I will share my story about finding freedom from sexual brokenness, as well as:

New Podcast: Changing the Way We Talk About Porn (Because Women Struggle Too)

“I had one woman say, ‘I struggle with masturbation.’ And she just started crying.  And then she said, ‘I’ve never said that word out loud.’”

In this Java with Juli, Joy Skarka recalls her experiences walking with women who struggle with porn, and shares from her own story of addiction to freedom. Despite rising numbers of women using porn and erotica, we still tend to refer to it as a “guy thing.” Juli, Joy, and Jonathan Daugherty sit down for a conversation about creating safe places for women to come forward and ask for help. Grab your Java and join us!

Do Rom Coms and TikToks Trigger Porn Use?

Try to name three recent movies that did not have a romance story in the plot. Could you do it? I couldn’t. The media feeds us the lie that we need a man to complete us. During seasons of isolation, watching rom coms do not help with our loneliness and actually, can cause us to watch more pornography.

When I was a college student, I struggled with pornography and loneliness in singleness. I can imagine those struggles would be harder for present-day college students to walk through because of the isolation in online classes, remote learning, and working from home. It’s exhausting and triggering. 

As a sophomore, I broke up with my boyfriend and felt extremely lonely. I spent my nights binge-watching Netflix, looking at porn and habitually masturbating, and my days eating ice cream on the couch. None of my coping mechanisms helped with my negative thoughts and feelings. Fed up with my life, I decided to try giving up romantic comedies for a whole month. I quickly learned that not only romantic comedies, but most movies and TV shows, had a romance plotline. And almost all of those plots included sex scenes. 

3 Things Women Want You To Know About Their Addiction to Pornography

As someone who serves in ministry with my own history of struggling with pornography, women often pour out their stories to me with a sigh of relief. While sitting on my living room couch, Jessica shared her struggle with porn:

I was exposed to pornography as a first grader by a childhood friend. I had no idea the lasting effects it would have on me as I got older. While I didn’t understand what it was or why it was bad, I innately felt that it was wrong—that alone filled me with shame. Shame followed me through my life until, for the first time, I heard another woman share that she struggled with it too. That defeated the biggest lie I was believed: that I was in this alone.

There are many women in your church who have similar stories to Jessica. Some may sit next to you on a Sunday and others may be leading Bible studies—they all worry that someone will find out about their secret. I’ve had women from across the spectrum confess their struggle to me, from new believing college students to experienced church leaders. Sadly, the influence of porn in the church is almost as dominant as it is in the world.

Porn Was My Sex Education: Joy Skarka’s Story, Guest Blog on Covenant Eyes

I first saw porn in fifth grade. I remember the day like it was yesterday. My friend and I just got back from basketball camp and went up to my room to play. I had a small Dell laptop sitting on my desk and my friend said, “Let me show you something.” She pulled up images and at the time, I had no idea this was porn. I had never heard of pornography before. But in the moment, I felt weird. 

I felt like we shouldn’t be looking at this. I remember making sure my bedroom door was shut so my parents wouldn’t know what we were doing. After this incident, I wouldn’t look at porn again until college, but I believe it awakened a part of my sexuality. 

“Just don’t do it.”

Growing up, I went to church, but my memories of conversations about sex in a church setting are very minimal. As a middle schooler, my parents sent me to a weekend conference where I sat in a circle with other students and we repeated the words “penis” and “vagina.” Parents were encouraged to sit in on the groups and I remember my dad standing up and saying, “I can’t do this,” as he walked away.

Purpose in Purity Podcast: Sexual Shame & Trauma | How to Heal

“I felt like God messed up when he created me, because I had so much sexual desire.” – @JoySkarka

STRUGGLING WITH SEXUAL SHAME? Ever feel like your sexual desires are too much or you (or God) to handle as a Jesus-loving gal? Find encouragement as Titania Paige and I discuss healing from sexual shame and healing from experiences of sexual trauma. By the end of our time together, you’ll have some practical guidance on seeking freedom and hope right where you presently are in your struggle.

In this episode, we talk: • Having strong sexual desires as a Christian woman. • Healing after an experience of sexual trauma. • Pitfalls to avoid in shifting from a mindset of shaming thoughts. Titania asks me: – How were you able to turn to God in the midst of your sexual trauma and shame? (6:15​) – How did you go from wrestling with shame to speaking out to help others? (8:15​) – How would you encourage us to break the power of shame and begin experiencing freedom? (9:34​) – How do you encourage women to shift from a shameful mindset and thought-life? (15:15​) – How did you heal from your experience of sexual trauma? (18:21​) What were some pitfalls in your journey to healing from sexual shame and trauma? (23:47​)

Pornography and Sexual Shame (Part 2)

Pornography is a growing epidemic. 1 out of 3 visitors to adult sites are women. Joy will talk about the problems of pornography, how it impacts us, our society, and our relationships, and then provide practical ways to begin walking in freedom.

Thank you Northwest Bible Church Recovery Ministry for having me! Here is their website for more info: https://www.northwestbible.org

Women Struggle Too, From Pornography to Freedom (Part 1)

Testimony: From Pornography Addiction to Redemption God uses our pain and our past to help others. Joy Skarka Skarka has struggled with promiscuity, pornography, masturbation, and sexual shame. She will share her story, and talk about the freedom we have in Christ.

Thank you Northwest Bible Church Recovery Ministry for having me! Here is their website for more info: https://www.northwestbible.org

4 Ways the Church Hurts Single Women

4 Ways the Church Hurts Single Women

How many sermons have you heard on singleness and sexuality? Sadly, many churches fail to cover these topics in messages. Our singles are believing the lie that something is wrong with them for having sexual desires and curiosities. Can we free these women from shame and share the message that God created them as sexual beings? We need to talk about singleness and sexuality because our single members are asking questions like, “What do we do with our sexual desires?” If we don’t provide these answers, pornography could become their solution.

When the church views marriage as the ultimate goal, we are hurting everyone. We hurt the singles now and we hurt them again if they get married because they are entering marriage thinking that marriage is the solution. The real and lasting solution is Jesus. Yes, I’m married. And yes, I still have all the same issues I had when I was single. Marriage didn’t fix me. Marriage didn’t heal my addiction to masturbation and pornography, Jesus did. Marriage is not our highest calling, but rather following Jesus is our highest calling.

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5 Ways Parents and the Church Can Help Teens Live Pure Lives

5 Ways Parents and the Church Can Help Teens Live Pure Lives

Pornography and masturbation—two words we almost never hear from parents or the church, yet teens are asking questions about them. Children begin watching pornography at younger and younger ages, possibly around four or five years old. Porn becomes a child’s sex education. To help teens live pure lives, we must intentionally invest in their lives and talk about sexuality.

5 Ways Parents and the Church Can Help Teens Live Pure Lives:

1. Have open and honest conversations

One youth pastor shared, “When asking our youth whether their parents ever talked about sex, not one raised their hand.” Parents barely talk about sex past the one time “sex talk.” Talking about purity should be a continual conversation, not a one time talk.

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