With tears in her eyes, hesitating to ask, she whispered, “Will my future husband still love and forgive me?” My new friend had a fear common to women who have found freedom from sexual sin. Jesus freed her from the chains of pornography, but currently she was gripped by the chains of fear. Have you had this fear or other fears about your future spouse and marriage because of your sexual past?
What if my future husband doesn’t love me?
What if he thinks I’m weird? Will he look at me as unclean? Will my past with pornography affect our sex life?
These questions are real fears for many women, but there is good news. A God-fearing man will look at you like Jesus does. A God-fearing husband will love you like Christ loves the church.
Did you know that in the books of Hosea and Isaiah, Israel is compared to a prostitute? Over and over again the Scriptures refer to God’s people abandoning Him. Yet God, in His love and mercy, never stopped loving His people, no matter their past. God was able to forgive the past of a prostitute nation and see them as new, pure, forgiven, redeemed, and called.
I believe that God-fearing husbands will look at their wives with the same set of eyes. I’m not saying it won’t be hard. They may need to talk with a wise older man and find biblical council. They may need to seek the Lord for help in this, but it is possible!
God commands husbands to love their wife like Christ loves the church.
I too had this fear when I was single, dating and engaged. I feared that my husband would look at me differently and that he would create more feelings of shame in my heart. This hasn’t been the case at all. My husband has shown me grace, love and forgiveness. My husband has helped me on my journey to continued healing. My husband has created a place where we can talk about hard things. A place where I never feel judged for my past and a place where I feel safe about our future together. My husband cheers me on in ministry and encourages me to share my story with other women, because when I go first, that gives other women the opportunity to go second.
When you marry a man who has a fear of the Lord, who loves the Lord and who wants to love you like Christ loves the church, you’re gaining a ministry partner. Your new partner is there for you to help you bring freedom to others. Together, you share the story of the gospel, explaining how it has changed your lives and how it has changed your marriage.
Think back to your life before Christ, when you were addicted to pornography or whatever it was that you were struggling with. You were in bondage. You were a slave to your sexual desires and now you’re free. That is the gospel. Freedom is from Christ. When you are married, together as husband and wife, you get to bring that freedom to other people as a team. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, this is one of the many reasons you should not marry an unbeliever. An unbeliever won’t be a ministry partner, rather an unbeliever will pull you away from ministry and could make you feel more shame from your past. An unbeliever won’t understand there’s freedom in Christ.
If you are struggling with this fear today, turn to God in prayer. Ask God to break you free from this fear. Ask God to take away Satan’s power in your life. Ask God to remind you of His promises.
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10.
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7.
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3 Comments on Will my husband forgive me for my sexual past?
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[…] so important to stress that it is simply not true. Your behaviour never justifies being abused by your partner. It does not matter if you are ‘too quiet’ or ‘too loud’ or you are too ‘xyz.’ Nothing […]
John
at (7 years ago)Watching porn as sexual past? Hmm.. not that serious of an issue unless the person is an serious addict and must require guidance and deliverance. Either way, the attachment you create with Porn is nothing compared to the physical soul ties one develops through indulging in real sexual activity with another person.
There are no soul-ties formed when porn is involved, because the other person/soul is physically not present with you.. only a solo-indulgence with an image.
The Lord Jesus can deliver a soul from both issues and finally I strongly believe you should ask God for a spouse who is “suitable” to you and who can relate to your past. That way, you can lead a future together.
joypedrow
at (6 years ago)Hi John,
You are right that the physical soul ties a person develops through sex are real, strong and powerful. However, I believe that watching porn is just as damaging. You are training you body and brain to react to images that are edited, instead of training your body and brain to react to your spouse.