In the midst of the guilt, shame and pain of sexual sins, painful thoughts fill my mind, “I can’t believe I sinned… again. Does God hate me for my addictions? Will I ever find freedom?”
If you are struggling with sexual sin today, I’ve been in your shoes. I’ve spent a lot of time talking about finding freedom from sexual sin and the importance of fighting for purity on the blog, but I haven’t spent enough time talking about grace.
To help you better understand grace, here are a few definitions.
Grace is the beauty of following Christ.
Grace is unmerited favor.
Grace is God loving us when we don’t deserve it.
Grace is God’s riches at Christ’s expense.
Grace is the divine means by which God makes Himself everything we need.
When we mess up, God gives us grace. When we feel shameful and defeated, God gives us grace. When we hide from Him, God gives us grace.
Just like Adam and Eve who hid behind fig leaves after they sinned, we run, hide, and build our own fig leaves. What fig leaves are you hiding behind?
God, being good and gracious, seeks us out and whispers, “Where are you?” He invites us out of our hiding and into His light. He calls us from the darkness of shame and into His presence. The Lord walked with Adam and Eve after they sinned and He walks with you today. God can heal you, comfort you, forgive you and set you free. Instead of running away from Him, let’s run to Him.
We will never be sinless while on earth. If we had the possibility to become sinless while on earth, we would no longer need Christ. If we were sinless, Jesus’ painful death on that cross would be pointless. Instead of longing to be sinless, let’s praise Jesus for His death on the cross to save us from our sins. Jesus’ death is a gift of grace.
Next time you sin, I want you to remember God’s gift of grace. Here are 3 lessons you need to remember when you keep messing up:
1. Purity is birthed from loving God more, not obeying the laws more.
We grow in holiness because of God’s grace, not right behaviors. We can’t earn holiness, not by what we do or don’t do. It’s not about trying more or doing more or being a ‘good Christian girl’, it’s about our personal relationship with Jesus. The more we love Jesus, the more we will want to change our behavior to become more Christ-like.
Focus on the relationship, not the behavior.
In Matthew, a Pharisee asked Jesus, “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” Jesus replied, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” This is the first and greatest commandment (Matthew 22: 35-38).
Jesus Himself states that more important than obeying the laws is loving God with all your heart. Remember, purity is birthed from loving God, not obeying laws. (Click to Tweet!)
2. Jesus died for you, while you were still a sinner.
“Sorry I messed up, I won’t do it again, God. I promise.” Have you ever said this to God? I know I’ve said this countless times and have always broken my promise. We need to stop saying this to God. As sinners, we will mess up again. Why is our sin still shocking? Believing you have to be sinless to earn God’s love is spiritual bondage. That is going back to salvation by works and not salvation by grace. “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast.” (Ephesians 2:8-9).
When you mess up over and over again and wonder why God saved you, remember that you did nothing to earn His salvation. Your salvation is a gift from God, freely given, no matter how long you have and will struggle with sexual sin.
3. God invites you to come back to Him. This is the gift of grace.
No matter how many times you’ve messed up, God invites you back. Turn back to God, live in God’s grace and freedom when you mess up, instead of in shame. We are in process. We will mess up. We will sin on earth for the rest of our lives. Instead of running from God or getting down on ourselves, let’s live like the younger brother and turn back to our Father.
When we turn back to our Father, He will run to us with open arms. When the prodigal son goes back home, read how his father greets him:
“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.” (Luke 15:20).
Do you need to turn back to God today?
Do you need to experience His grace?
If you have never accepted God’s gift of grace through salvation, I invite you today to make this decision. Here is an example prayer for you. Saying the right words is not important, but rather the value is found in the passion of your heart. God knows our hearts’ desires.
Dear God,
Thank you for loving me. Thank you that Jesus died on the cross to pay the penalty for my sins and failures. I admit to you that I am a sinner, that I need you to save me. I ask you to forgive me for my sins. I turn from them now. I invite Jesus into my life as my Savior and Lord. I turn my life over to him. I will live for him as long as I live. Thank you for giving me eternal life and making me a child of God. In Jesus’ name,
Amen.
Alywign
at (7 years ago)I have never heard the Grace of God presented like this. I thank God for you and for this resource. I have been ministered to powerfully through this. I hope to share this good news with others.
joypedrow
at (7 years ago)I’m so glad God brought you to this blog post. I pray you learn more about his grace and are forever changed!
Legodu
at (7 years ago)Thank u so much.
Deray
at (7 years ago)God bless you
Joshua
at (5 years ago)I have been addicted 2 pornography 4 as long as I can remember. I dont even know why i am writing this or what i expect 2 get from this because i know my prayers of forgiveness dont reach God if i just continue 2 give in 2 temptation every single day of my life. I know i need 2 change my ways B 4 I ask 4 forgiveness. I cannot eat from satans table and Gods table at the same time. Im tired of being controlled by demons & living in darkness
Joy Skarka
at (5 years ago)Hi Joshua,
You are never too far gone for God. He love you and forgives you and calls you back home. But you can not go through recovery alone. You need a community of believers to support you, encourage you and pray for you. Are you invovled in a local church? Praying for you, Joy Skarka
Vanessa
at (5 years ago)I have no words… I just want to be delivered from the ying yang effect of this sin called perversion and every other thing associated with it… yes I know his grace is sufficient.. I just want to win the battle..
Andre
at (4 years ago)Well thank you the truth of God’s grace. Something that is very hard to grasp when your entire life was based on your meriting His favor. Being Jewish that’s what it’s all about. More good deeds, more obedience=more righteousness of our own. Also having a father who I felt I only got his approval and favor based on my performance and his disapproval when I messed up. I was afraid of him in an unhealthy way. How we view our earthly fathers often shapes how we (incorrectly) view our Heavenly Father.
However, regarding when I sin-say sexually, it’s often intentional. I want it although I know it’s not His way. And when I do I feel like how can I go to Him AGAIN. How many times can I pray Psalm 51? And what about Hebrews 10:26; “ Dear friends, if we deliberately continue sinning after we have received knowledge of the truth, there is no longer any sacrifice that will cover these sins.?” Scary I’d say. The Bible says it’s better to marry than to burn. And my girlfriend and I are often tempted. We know we should make no provision for the flesh. That is to always be in a situation where we would not be able to sin. We are older and have both come from unhealthy thirty or so Year marriages. I’m 64 and she’s 58 and we’re both pretty healthy and youthful. I think we’re both so afraid of marriage now. I would get married and take the “chance” while being the best husband I can be. Loving my wife as Christ loves His Bride. I think she doesn’t think I have it together enough yet. Thank you for listening.
joypedrow
at (4 years ago)Thank you for sharing part of your story with me. God loves you right now, and you don’t have to earn his love or favor by being good or doing more good deeds. He loved you so much that his son died for you while you were still a sinner. God forgives you over and over again and he calls you back home. Run to him. How is your intimacy with God? Are you and your girlfriend surrounded by community? I would ask these questions to people you are doing life with. They would know you both best and know your situation.
Kennedy
at (4 years ago)Joy,
I cannot thank you enough for sharing your testimony and writing about a topic that the devil isolates us with and makes us feel terribly shameful of. I can remember being really young and masturbating, watching pornography in middle school all the way until 23 years old. I accepted Christ as my lord and savior again this year, 2020 and I have been freed from things like partying, cigarettes, drinking and even porn but masturbation seems to be the hardest. I seem to do great for weeks and today I failed again. I cried out to God and felt so defeated and asked for a breakthrough and then I came across your post. I have gotten so much insight and a new perspective (which I have prayed about for a while). I know this is going to be hard moving forward, I have done this for so long. Please pray for me and I will continue to pray and move forward in Gods Grace and love towards me. Thank you so much for what you do, I truly believe The Holy Spirit guided me to you.
Lalisa
at (3 years ago)Hello Joy Sharka, please is there a way I can get to you personally? I really need your help
joypedrowskarka
at (3 years ago)Hello, feel free to email me at [email protected]!
Antonette Alvarado
at (2 years ago)Joy, can I email you about my very unique problem? I have been a Christian for 40+ years and for the past 5 have lived a double life. I’m detaching that and having difficulty