Engaged and Not Having Sex | The Fight for Purity

Engaged & Waiting In four months I can freely have sex with my husband whenever we want, but for now, we can’t. We’re engaged and waiting. Deciding to honor God in purity, my fiancé and I are refraining from experiencing sexual intimacy. This isn’t easy. In fact, waiting is hard.

We’ve messed up and have pushed the boundaries further than we’ve wanted to, but we still have yet to have sex. And each time we realize we are pushing the line, we re-evaluate. We re-check our physical boundaries. We re-ask each other this question:

Why are we fighting for purity?

If we don’t know why we are fighting, we will stop fighting. If we don’t see the value of purity, we will never guard it. (What does the Bible say about purity?) Beth Moore explains this perfectly in her new study, Entrusted, “We won’t effectively guard what we don’t highly esteem.”

Do you have high esteem for purity? Do you want to live a life marked by obedience to God?

My prayer is that you answered ‘yes’ to both of those questions, but if not, I want you to think about an issue that is more important that purity. More important than obeying God is knowing God intimately and personally. When we know God’s love, obedience to Him will flow out of our hearts. Do you want to know God? (Click to know how to know God personally.)

You may know God, but maybe you aren’t spending enough time with Him. When was the last time you’ve spent time with God? Let me just share that if you do not know God personally and if you are not being filled up by the Holy Spirit daily, you will fail the fight for purity every. single. time.

Our relationship with Jesus must be our number one priority, only then can we fight for purity.

So, why are we fighting for purity?

Sex during engagement will not bring God glory, but sex during marriage brings God delight.

We want to experience sex the way God intended for us to experience it. God designed sex for our pleasure. God created us as sexual beings. In fact, when God created us, he said:

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.  And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.” Genesis 2:24-25.

Sex in marriage has no shame. This is the type of sex Christians should strive for – being naked and not ashamed. When you push the physical boundaries before marriage, you are bringing shame into your marriage.

In my past, I experienced shame in relationships. Shame debilitated my relationship with God and forced me to hide from His love. In any Christian relationship, we long for God to be at the center. That is why it is important to fight for purity. Don’t let Satan have any footholds to bring shame into your relationship and future marriage. Find freedom from shame!

Are you dating or engaged and struggling with living out physical purity with your partner? If so, ask yourselves: Do you value purity? Do you see the need to fight for purity in your relationship? If you can’t answer these questions honestly, you will fail the fight. I want to encourage you, waiting is hard, but it is worth it. Here are six lessons we have learned during this season of waiting:

  1. How to creatively express our love for each other in non-physical ways
  2. How to practice self-discipline
  3. How to put pleasing God over pleasing ourselves
  4. How to better communicate our needs and desires
  5. How to fully trust and respect each other
  6. How to find contentment

Friends have said to me, “Why wait? You’re getting married.” My answer, “Exactly. We want to start off our marriage in as pure a way as we can. We want to live our whole lives glorifying God, even during engagement. We want to have the best sex we can have.”

If as believers, you and your partner have sinned sexually, birthing shame into your sexuality, there is good news – you can experience restoration and forgiveness. Confess your sins to God. Experience the grace of God washing away your shame. That is the beauty of following Jesus!

Your relationship can be restored to God’s original design – naked and not ashamed. I promise you that fighting for sexual purity while dating or engaged is worth the fight. In those moments of temptation, I challenge you to put on your new self, not your old self. Consider memorizing these verses to help in times of temptation.

“You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.” (Ephesians 4:22-24).

“Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come.” (2 Corinthians 5:17).

Check out these other blog posts to help you fight for purity during dating or engagement:

Friends, let’s join together, obey God and experience the best sex possible in our marriages! (Click to Tweet!)

JoyPedrow.com Engaged? Why fight for purity?







4 Comments on Engaged and Not Having Sex | The Fight for Purity

  1. Paulette
    at (6 years ago)

    You’re so blessed to be getting married. You have your whole life ahead of you. I’m nearly 60 and have never been blessed. The only marriage I can look forward to is a senior-citizen marriage — no young love, no children. It was not just a season for me, it was everything. I lost everything. And there’s no way this could be best for me or anything other than hell on earth.

    • joypedrow
      at (6 years ago)

      Hi Paulette, thank you for sharing your heart with us. I’m sure it is so painful to not have your desires fulfilled through marriage. I wish we could get coffee together and talk about this. I wish I could share this with you face to face. I believe that God has a perfect plan for your life, and if that includes a call to singleness, he must have a purpose for it. I believe a marriage will not satisfy your heart need to be fully loved and fully known, only Jesus Christ can meet that need for you. Do you have a relationship with him? You are God’s daughter and he would love to know you.

      • Paulette
        at (6 years ago)

        Joy, would you give up your engagement, marriage, and chance for a family to respond to the call of singleness? Would God truly be “enough” for you? Or are you saying secretly to yourself, “Thank God that’s not me. Thank God I have a calling more aligned with my desires.” I have never heard a call to singleness. Singleness sounds like a medical condition, a disease, a terminal disease, a death sentence. If there is a perfect plan for my life, it will only be fulfilled after I’m dead. There is no joy for me in this life. God knows that. I like to believe sometimes that he weeps for me, but he is only going to help me after I’m dead…not before.

        • joypedrow
          at (6 years ago)

          Great questions Paulette. I desire to follow God’s will for my life. My identity must be in Christ, and not my relationship status. My fiance could die tomorrow, and I would be single again. My relationship with God is the most important relationship in my life. If he died, life would be hard, but I would never forsake God. I believe people can be single and be fulfilled and satisfied in Christ. How is your relationship with Jesus? You can find intimacy with him.