What a Godly Man Looks for in a Godly Woman – A Man’s Perspective

What a guy wants in a girlHow many times have you talked with your girlfriends about your perfect guy? Whether it is hair color, height, or personality, we all have preferences. Maybe just like me, you have a list of qualities that you would love to define your dream man. But maybe our long lists of descriptions are causing us to miss the big picture.

As we women look at our long lists, we start wondering, do guys do this too? If so, how will we ever compare to his dream woman?

Let’s get a man to answer this question.

Sam Eaton, guest blogger, gives a humorous spin to our lists. When I first read Sam’s post, I laughed, chuckled, smiled, and nodded in agreement. His words are spot on. Let’s let him answer the question.

What a Godly Man Looks for in a Godly Woman – A Man’s Perspective

“I can’t fall into the trap,” A younger Sam coached himself. “Are you really going to do this?”

I sunk into my favorite leather chair and opened my laptop. I paused at the blank web address, “I can take you anywhere.” Google whispered. Finally, with an air of self-loathing I quickly typed it in before I could change my mind. “Is this really who you want to be?

With defeat in my heart, I pushed enter – http://www.eharmony.com.

I’ve never been one to fully trust in God’s timing. I mean hello, I have an entire brain full of lists and schedules, tasks and calendars. Waiting for God to bring the right person? Ain’t nobody got time for that. So as the independent, peer-pressure caving, “clearly I am going to have to help you with this God,” man that I am, I created an online dating profile.

As the assault of glossy engaged photos cycled across my screen, I began answering question after question about my world for maximum wife-catching accuracy. Suddenly, all progress was brought to screeching halt as I read the next question:

“The most important thing I am looking for in a person is…”

A haunting silence and blinking cursor stared deep into my soul. What AM I looking for?

Blink. Blink. Blink. Blink. Blink.

Well this is a problem. You see, most of my women friends have checklists they can rattle off in a matter of seconds. Just ask them and they’ll immediately spit out:
Must love Jesus.
Must be hilarious.
Must love dogs. Or cats. Or wallabies.
Then they’ll pause. They don’t want to seem too demanding. Let a few moments go by, ask again and they’ll add:
Must have a good job but not so good that he’s never home.
Must be willing to try new things.
Must have an intact family.
Must have a good relationship with his mom.
Must be responsible.
Must be adventurous.
Must lead spiritually.
Must be honest and forgiving.
Must be willing to attend quarterly Pride and Prejudice viewings.
Must be attractive.
Must be manly enough to take care of man things, but not be gross or smelly.
Must put the toilet seat down.
Must love kids.
Must not already have kids.
Must not be obsessed with making kids.
Must not be skinnier than me.
Must be loved by my family.
Must be loved by my friends.
Must be romantic.
Must be significantly taller than me so I can wear heels.
Oh don’t worry, I did my research (and yes, I could keep going).

Yet, I am convinced men don’t operate this way. In fact, I think most guys don’t really know what they’re looking for until they’ve found it. I can’t speak for all men, but when talking with my Christian guy friends, we all agreed upon these two things (in less eloquent words):

We’re looking for Spark and Light.


  • A connection that sends chills down our backs and manly butterflies soaring through our stomachs.
  • An attraction that starts on the surface and sinks deep into a cup of tea and an intelligent conversation.
  • A contagious dose of wit, encouragement and optimism.

The catch is, a spark can’t be manufactured and it can’t be detected through a computer screen. It has to be authentic and it’s different for every guy.


  • A woman who is chasing God and seeking opportunities to be transformed spiritually.
  • A woman who cares about the least of these, the poor, the sick and the lost.
  • A woman who inspires and invests in the young women around her.
  • A woman who lives a healthy lifestyle that she could pass on to our kids.

Seriously though, beyond that I don’t think we really know until we meet someone who blows us away.

My sister in Christ – the real truth is this: stop trying to be the girl you think guys want and just start living a life that is recklessly alive.

Be so in love with every detail of your galaxy that a guy can’t help but be swept away by you. Don’t sit around with your long hair out the window waiting for any man to climb up and put a ring on it. Consider cancelling Netflix and taking a silly improv class. Sign up for a Color Run 5k and take a crazy road trip with your friends. Live it up.

Focus on being a woman of substance and the right man will come along. It’s probably not going to happen on your timing and (spoiler alert) he’s definitely not going to meet every single requirement on your list. But trust that God knows you better than you know yourself.

Trust in God’s timing and when that happens, guuurl it will be on!

Until then, as my friend Mr. Darcy would say, “live long and prosper!”

Oh, Mr. Darcy. Such a wise man.

Big News: I am so excited to announce that Sam Eaton will now be contributing monthly to Joy Skarka Ministries. His first post for JP Ministries, You Are NOT Defined by Your Past – From a Man’s Perspective, was such a hit that I knew I needed to keep his perspective around. I hope you like Sam because you will now see his posts once a month!

Meet Sam: Sam Eaton writes at Recklesslyalive.com. Sam’s heart for Jesus is contagious. He’s a music teacher by day, and a youth ministry and worship musician by night and weekend. You can friend him on twitter @aliverecklessly.

What a guy looks for in a girl

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28 Comments on What a Godly Man Looks for in a Godly Woman – A Man’s Perspective

  1. Kerri
    at (9 years ago)

    What a great article and such a great choice of words…”Spark” and “Light”. Good advice to cancel Netflix and REALLY LIVE your own life, making the most out of it! (Nothing’s wrong with occassional movies, but letting them eat up all your time is a waste of tremendous potential and opportunities.)

    • Sam Eaton
      at (9 years ago)

      Thank you Kerri! I completely agree that the occasional movie is great but it is also easy for me to get sucked in if I don’t keep that in check. Thanks for your kind comments!

  2. Clarissa
    at (9 years ago)

    Sam, thanks for sharing your heart and perspective! As a youth leader, I always wish and pray for our girls to chase after Christ instead of worrying about getting a guy. God’s got a plan for their love life & His timing is perfect!

    • Sam Eaton
      at (9 years ago)

      Clarissa, those girls are so lucky to have you as a youth leader! Thank you for investing in them and encouraging them to trust God with all that dating stuff. Bless you and your ministry!

  3. Lux Ganzon
    at (9 years ago)

    Oh, don’t we all wish for this and that guy growing up. But as we get “wiser” we find out that we can’t have it all (in one man) and that they too are as imperfect as we are.

    I’ve also written my things my future spouse needs to be. Yes, we should have non negotiables but we also must be open or else, we’ll be missing “the one” as we’re too caught up by our dream man. 🙂

  4. Kelly
    at (9 years ago)

    This was fabulous, eye opening, confirming, and draped in Godly wisdom! Thanks!! Patience + gods timing= beauty! Too much loss of god’s greatest blessings takes place when we run off in front instead of abiding (walking beside hand in hand) with the father so he can steer our direction!:)

    • Sam Eaton
      at (8 years ago)

      Thank you so much Kelly. What a beautiful sentiment of walking hand in hand with God. I completely agree. Blessings to you my friend!

  5. Jennifer
    at (8 years ago)

    This is so good. Spark and Light. This concept is what I’ve thought of relationships. This can be adjusted to fit looking for a guy. I hear girls making their lists of personality/looks/whatever, and are obsessed with finding the perfect guy. However, no such guy exists to meet all their expectations. I, especially, like the “Light” focus. Are they seeking spiritual transformation, and are they reaching out to serve other people? Seek God first, live the life He desires, and wait on His timing. It’s perfect!

    • Sam Eaton
      at (8 years ago)

      Hi Jennifer! I love that term “seeking spiritual transformation”. Perhaps the most important trait to look for. Thank you so much for sharing your awesome insights! Have a great day!

      • Jennifer
        at (8 years ago)

        I started attending the College of Biblical Studies in Houston,TX, about a year ago and their slogan is “Truth. Training. Transformation.” Their teaching is with the focus of each student gaining truth from God’s Word, equipping to serve others, and, essentially, the Truth(God through His Word) is what transforms us into the people God has created us to be. What a blessing it is when we allow that transformation to take place! It’s amazing to see Him at work! Anyway, that’s where the phrase that I used originated. Have a good day!

        • joypedrow
          at (8 years ago)

          Hi Jennifer! You live in Houston now – how exciting! I’ll be speaking at a conference there on March 25th. It’s free. You should come! Here is the website with the details and how to sign up. Bring friends! I believe there are 20 seats left. https://sisalifestylecollege.splashthat.com/

          • Jennifer
            at (8 years ago)

            Hello Joy! Thanks for the invite! However, I will be unable to attend. It looks like it’s going to be an encouraging night! Praying that you and all who attend will be strengthened in their faith. Enjoy!

            • joypedrow
              at (8 years ago)

              Awe okay, we will miss you! Do you know anyone else who might like to attend? Share the info with them! Thank you so much for praying!

              • Jennifer
                at (8 years ago)

                Thanks, Joy! I don’t know of anyone else that would be available that night, but I do appreciate the invitation!

              • Jennifer
                at (8 years ago)

                Do you speak in Houston often?

                • joypedrow
                  at (8 years ago)

                  This will be my first event in Houston! I’m hoping for more in the future!

                  • Jennifer
                    at (8 years ago)

                    Oh okay. That’s Great! Maybe one day I will get to hear you speak! I just recently found your blog and Sam Eaton’s blog. It’s neat to see how God is using you both.

                    • joypedrow
                      at (8 years ago)

                      That would be fun! Yes – I love doing ministry with Sam. He’s an awesome man of God.

  6. Vicki
    at (8 years ago)

    This post was both encouraging (as I did see a small reflection of myself in your list) and thought-provoking (as I am definitely a stay-in-and-watch-TV girl). I look forward to reading more of your posts!

    But am I the only one who picked up on the Spock reference?? And has a Mr. Darcy / Spock mashup ever been done before??

    • Sam Eaton
      at (8 years ago)

      Hi Vicki,

      Thank you so much for the encouragement. I had such a blast writing this. So great to connect with you!

      P.S. I am so glad you appreciated my ridiculous humor! 🙂

  7. Bliss Mencell
    at (8 years ago)

    So, not to try to trash talk your blog but I’ll be short with it. I wish this didn’t feel a tad bit superficial. In my opinion, I don’t believe God or whoever truly is the higher being wants us to have relationships the way you describe. Your time on earth should be spent enjoying it, not focusing on the higher being. Yes, there should be a feeling of thankfulness but when looking for a partner, God shouldn’t be one of your main reasons to swipe right. The first time I fell in love was with a young woman named Clara, and she was Buddhist but I loved her to the fullest. She loved my heart, even while we believed different things. When our love had to ultimately end, I fell in love with my current love Beau. Our love is strong, even if he is agnostic and I am an unorthodox Christian. We are two souls that will have a type of love for a long time, and maybe not forever. The point being, never just look for just one thing because although he gives me sparks, Clara gave me light, and that’s okay. The world should be full of love, ways in which you should feel that love and not have to have qualities ready to check for your one true love. Beau is the opposite of what I expected to fall in love with. I thought I’d be in love with a man with a serious persona and dark hair. I wanted someone my height or at most a few inches taller. I fell in love with Beau, a lanky young man with light features and is the least serious human I’ve met. As for Clara, she wasn’t exactly my dream girl at first because she had a mousy look to her, and frankly I wasn’t ready to be the taller one in a relationship. She didn’t give me the initial spark you talk about, but I know our love was real, just as my current love is real, and just as the next will be. We are bound to love and what life will give us, not what we believe a higher being thinks we deserve. Fall in love with every being you meet, platonically, romantically, sexually, any possible way, and realize this is what He wants us to experience. He wants us to feel the best we can possibly feel. Here I am after 2 loves in one lifetime and I am happy to have loved and currently experience a new kind of love.

    • Sam Eaton
      at (8 years ago)

      Bliss- Thank you for sharing your story! I really enjoyed your perspective. I wish we could have this conversation face to face as I fear sometimes tone and compassion can get lost in print on a screen. I agree that God wants us to live our lives to fullest, my own blog is called “Recklessly Alive” for goodness sake. 🙂 I don’t believe however, the main reason we are here is enjoy our lives (at least not the way our culture tells us we should). I believe we are here to love God and love his people. When I changed my life to fit that, I found there is a deeper joy I never knew was possible. A far greater happiness than the everyday stuff. When Jesus was asked in the book of Matthew what the most important instruction from God was he answered, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart… and love your neighbor as yourself.” That’s why we’re here and that is how we fill the world with love. (Which was a beautiful sentiment you wrote). For me, God is the only reason I will swipe right because I want my life to be about loving Him. I truly met God at the lowest moment of my life, a day when I tried to commit suicide. Since then, I have been following His lead more and more and I have found a life I never dreamed was possible. I have never been steered wrong through His teaching. In 2 Corinthians 6:14 he says we shouldn’t be “unequally yoked” with an unbeliever. – an old timey way of saying it will be very, very hard to live for Him if we married to someone who isn’t also living their life for God. I too have felt the deep love for someone that didn’t believe in Jesus and I completely agree that that love was deep and rich and real. That’s how I know that God’s design for marriage, two people committed to His purpose, will be even deeper because that is what He has promised, and he doesn’t break His promises. I would LOVE to continue this conversation and hear more about your perspectives. Please reach out at anytime. So glad to have connected with you. Blessings my friend.

  8. http://www./
    at (7 years ago)

    It’s a pleasure to find someone who can identify the issues so clearly

  9. Bekkah
    at (7 years ago)

    This made me laugh. But most of all it made me realize the realities of life. The important things are not looking for a godly guy, but becoming the godly woman that God has called me to be. And in the words of Andy Stanley, “becoming the person that the person I’m looking for is looking for.” For me, this means being myself and following God’s lead and the rest will fall into place.

  10. Chioma
    at (7 years ago)

    When I saw the title of this post (on Pinterest), I was a bit sceptical. I had pinned it to a group board for single women but decided it will be wise to read it. I’m glad I did. It was a refreshing take on dating and it’s nice to consider it from a Christian Guy’s perspective. I love the reference to ‘Spark and Light’ but is that really it? I’m literally obsessed with encouraging more single women to live full, intentional lives, and to enjoy all the lord has purposed in their lives. Yet, I wonder what it’s like for the single Christian Guy. How comfortable are these men with a woman who is ‘recklessly alive’? Aren’t there expectations beyond taking care of the kids? Thanks again for this great post.

  11. Alson
    at (7 years ago)

    I hope you will also consider that a godly man will know God’s marriage law and will seek to discover immediately whether a possible woman has a living first ex husband. If so, to date her is unwise as he will then go on to create an adulterous remarriage for them both. Paul told us that we should not divorce, but if we do, we are to remain single or reconcile. By “marrying” such a woman, a man commits adultery according to Jesus and delays the reconciliation of the first marriage. And no, Deuteronomy 24 does not apply to Christians as we are not under Mosaic law.

    • Haley
      at (5 years ago)

      I’m sorry, my first husband starved, beat, tortured, and kept me in captivity… so when HE left me for his next victim…. I knew he would NEVER be a part of my life again. Also, he was a “Christian”…. so, no, I do get to get married again, and God is not going to smite the new fellow. Sorry to disagree, but I do.

  12. Haley
    at (5 years ago)

    I was preparing to hate this article. As a moderate and a woman choosing not to have children (for a multitude of reasons, not the least of which is my health), I cringe when I see titles like this because I see in neon lights “BAREFOOT AND PREGNANT IN THE KITCHEN” “SEEN AND NOT HEARD”… etc. This article actually gave me something to work with, because I am an intelligent, independent, “Ruth” type woman… and unfortunately, Ruth-types don’t really fit at the table right now in the vast majority of women’s ministries – especially when it comes to advice on how to attract a man. So thank you for actual, real life, practical, realistic advice.